i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
