my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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