And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
