We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
