I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
