She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
