Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
