Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
