it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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