Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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