Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
