I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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