so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
