fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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