Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
