i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
