and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Randomize
