Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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