Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
