Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
