East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
