My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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