we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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