Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
