i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
