Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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