I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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