his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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