If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
