Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
My ATM looks so different sober.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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