I need help removing her.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
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