Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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