we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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