Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I think my moral compass just broke
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