I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
