he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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