I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
