It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
