You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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