her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
