Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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