i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
