I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I just found puke in my bra..
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
