you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
