Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
