I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
