Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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