i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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