also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
