So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
