oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
