at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
