So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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