when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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