Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
