I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just had sex on a roof
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
